I am in a somewhat crowded club.. i’m wif my bunch of frens …. in KL but i 4gt d name of tat club…
There I c a girl.
I think she’s beautiful.. I like her. Oh, yes, I pretty much like her.. Of course I feel tat I wan her.. N, mre thn ezly, comes tat much-familiar feeling of embarrassment.. tat I must talk 2 her n I dn’t knw wat 2 say. I look at her again n she notices tat I am doing so. I feel embarrassed n shy….dam u pisces … Nevertheless, I feel a strong urge to hv a talk wif her.. Damn, I wan her… I begin visualizing sum possible pick up lines. ‘Hi’, 4 example. Ok, then wat? I can hardly imagine something smart n sumthing original. ‘May I buy you a drink?’ - sh*t, it’s outdated. ‘May I join you?’ - better, bt a bit ’70’s style.
D time passes by.. She looks at me 4 a 2nd time.. Wow, I gotta do sumthin, man! My fren urges me to go on…. ‘Go n talk 2 her, tell her anything… a stupid pick up line is better thn nthin ! ! ! At least u tried.. At best, you may lead a mre relaxed n smart flirting conversation n end up laid ! ! ! Go on, you bast*rd, move!’… @__@lll sheesh .. wat a fren ^__^
No I cn’t… I sit where I m n do nthin… I buy myself another drink, tel jokes wif my friends, she swiftly looks at me 4 a 3rd time, n after hvn’t noticin hw d time passed by, she picks her books n her female friends up n there they’re gone…..~
Bye, bye, happiness! \T___T/
Happiness nt in d sense of gettin laid …(this brings joy), bt in d sense of trying…Of being free frm tat filthy fear.. Of being a free human being tat cn do wat he wans …(without hurting or oppressing others, ..of course).. Of being able 2 do things 4 his life….. Of being able ‘2 freely bloom.. Tat is my definition of happiness’, s d famous lawyer ‘Gerry Spence’ puts it in his book "How to argue and win every time." … nice book =)
When at home, during d cming days, I try 2 analyze d reason y I didn’t do it.. Wat did I hv 2 lose? At worst, I cud hv faced rejection. Bt, by nt acting, I gt a 100% rejection… Nt frm tat woman, but s a result of my worst enemy: my FEAR.
whoa ~ … neway finally, I try 2 resolve d fears by any available means (example.. going to the psychiatrist ? nah ~, discussing wif myself, discussing wif frens, listenin 2 my female friends blamingmen 4 nt being active n ‘masculine’ enuf 2 approach thm….sheesh -__-lll, n oso visualizing myself acting in similar situations bt wifout d fear or embarrassment n succeeding … the way athletes do).
Bt lately sum thought occurred 2 my mind.. Is it d above fears tat prohibit me frm flirting wif a strange woman or is it something else? … hey tats nt me rite ? wow hav i changed ? wake up JAMES ! ! !
I mean,… is it possible tat I m afraid nt of rejection bt acceptance, instead?… Day after day, ..I began attributing a higher %(percentage) on tat latter factor thn I did in d past… Tat is, I subconsciously think.. ‘Ok, she doesn’t send me off….But she’s beta thn I cn handle.. She wil mke me think of her all day long,… she wil make me b jealous, she wil make me offer her expensive gifts all d time, n thus I wil mind of nt losing her, …etc’. In others words, I think I m nt gud enuf 4 her. She stands on a sumwat ‘higher’ lvl thn I cn handle…. cheers*
*listening 2 Groove Coverage - The End *At least I hv chosen a gud club 2 spend my evenin wif my frens =) ! ! !
There lies a possible solution 4 all us, fearful guys… Of course tis solution is 2 face ur fears n successfully resolve thm s soon s possible, bt oso 2 realize ur status… y is she beta thn u? ..Is tis true, or do u tend 2 perceive urself on a lower lvl thn d 1 u reli r? ….Ok, she’s much pretty, bt u may b smarter.. She might nt b any beast, or any filthy wh*re, lookin 4 men n $$$ n diamonds, bt hv compassion and understandin, instead, in store 4 u! …. OMG wat m i crapping nw ? hmm.. mayb i’m jst too bored ? =) neway still wanna continue …=p
She may b 2 joyful n u guys like moderate situations, ..bt damn it - she’s in a club 2 hv fun!…. Wat wud u xpect her 2 do? She may b smwat low, toking 2 her frens (nt her darling, guys!),… bt her low mood might b due 2 absence of a hapy man… (like us fellas!!), standin nxt 2 her n nt 2 snobbism….cheers again *
She may b much seriously toking 2 her companion… Thn u beta nt approach… She’s there nt 2 flirt bt 2 discusss, instead.. She has chosen d wrong place 2 do it, or she normally likes 2 hv her serious toks in places like tat…. Nevertheless, I wud nt go 2 her n I wud look 4 another 1.. Bt Mother Nature b my judge, if her face or body wud bring me spring then I would go, come hell or high water…ha ha ~ Think i’m crazy rite nw XD ….stooooopid me ~ She may b a thousand other things….
I’ll nvr find out wat she is,.. unless I try 2 do so….. Unless I mke my legs walk n make my mouth speak happy n flirting words n my eyes unleash all my natural attraction towards her….sh*t … tats reli nt me … tats my evil twins ….get away frm me u freak ! ! !
If I dn’t let myself free frm fears n comparisons, thn I’ll nvr njoy her… plz dun misunderstd me =) …n tat’s d most important thing I will do frm nw on….amen ~ haha
Nxt time, s I nter d club’s door, I’ll let myself free frm any perceivable fear of women (n of myself) I might hv……cheers evil ones >) … *tink*
I’m 18 years old n I still hav lots of time =) …. I hv 2 lv n tke gud care of myself…. Nobody else in d world will do so 4 me….agree ?
I’ll stop paying any dues to my fears! ! !
hmm wait a minute … wow didnt realised tat i crap alot ? woot* hmm i guess i shudn’t go to d pub … instead concencrate on2 my studies …. yea … shud think bout tat instead of having fun ….. silly me …. neway looks like i gt 2 stop here …..
time to hang out wif my frens … =)
until then ,
take care n hav a nice day …
God bls ~
Adios ,
James
